Thursday, April 26, 2012 @12:44 AM
I think this blog is effectively stale and gone. I do come once in awhile and look at what I've posted but it hasnt been often since I started journalling. Honestly, i think journalling is a lot more private than a blog and i'm truer to myself since nobody actually sees it. It's just between Jesus and I.
But right now I think I would want to revive this blog and start posting stuff, not too private for the people whom i care about to read. When (if) I go to the UK, I won't be having them by my side anymore but i want them to be part of my life nonetheless. So what else better but to have a blog where they can read stuff and still be involved in my life, though i hope the reverse can be true too..
Right now i'm pretty much in a dilemma about what to do, where to go. Daddy and Mommy accompanied me to the bank today to start a bank account in the UK which means that they are very much supportive of it. They have been lovely parents supporting me my whole life and never imposing their will on me. They have always supported all that i wanted to do to the best of their abilities, except wanting to quit school when i was younger. Thank God they never supported it cos right now i truly appreciate education and enjoy it.
So right now, Isaiah 30:21 is my verse of meditation: "I will hear a voice behind my ears saying this is the way in which i should go, whether to the right or to the left." I will probably make this more public when i finally leave.. so Jesus, give me an overwhelming conviction where to go and what to do. And i know that you will continue to provide and bless my family with finances and health. This is the portion of the new covenant believer. It is rightly ours.
Thursday, October 13, 2011 @11:15 PM
okay, the only reason why i'm writing on this long forsaken blog is because i just feel like it even though i know that nobody is going to read it. But, oh well.. then it's where i can simply express myself and express the joys that i have had today.
Well, time really flies ehh? i just realized that apart from the past 3 posts, the others were 2 years ago, the year that i took my o levels. And now, i'm gearing up and preparing for my A levels. This 2 years have flown by so quickly. Even though i'm someone who often recollects old memories and play them in my mind, somehow i can never fully recollect all of my memories in SA. Too many good ones, though there are bad ones too, but the good ones are so much for than the bad. Either that or they all come together and make the whole picture so beautiful for me, and add so much vibrance and additional life to my entire SA experience. Now... where do i start?
okay, let's try to walk down memory lane, or as much as i am willing to type out.
First, i went to the cca open house and met my water polo seniors and that was when i decided that i was going to join water polo and try something new for the first time, something that i've never tried before, a cca that sounded so cool. So anyway, i came to SA. i wouldn't think that orientation was good because honestly, i didn't enjoy most of it maybe because i couldn;t really click with my og mates. In any case, then i settled into 10A06, met a bunch of real cool people- Ollie, Cheryl and Bethany. previously, the rest were a lot closer but the few of us ended up really comfortable with each other and good friends. And then water polo. ohh.. i really have no idea how to describe this entire polo experience. heartbreaks, disappointments, tears, sweat, pain, sprains.. so much and so much. i enjoyed it and dreaded it at one point in time. But overall, it did make me a lot stronger. It did make me who i am now, to treasure things around me much more than before and to trust Jesus' word- i am beloved even though the outside may not seem so. Eventually, what i really wished for at polo a divisions didn't actualize for me. Firstly was that we didn't make it to the finals. But for me, personally, i felt really upset because of what jiaolian did and the scoldings that at some point in time really tore my heart an emotions. But in the end, i wanted to play for the final game and that, i didn't get a chance to. But oh well.. it's over and i don't want to dwell on it. I did have happy times such as playing in the pool with the girls, bimbo-ing on the way to Malaysia etc. So much, so much. To completely deny all these moments just for the few bad ones would not be a fair statement at all and it doesn't do justice to my entire polo experience.
Okay, and then pw. drats.. we really should have gotten that A! But we got over it, past it, had fun. And my pw group went to London! Of course with the others as well. I really enjoyed London so much! it's such a beautiful place. Initially i felt really apprehensive about going to London with Miss K. I mean it's miss k, you know. Got scolded, but it was so good. walked at night with Ollie and saw the first glimpse of snow that fell on London that winter. Walked around till my feet were frozen, played with snow, shivered like icicles, watched plays, become Shakespeare, Jacob La Rose's poetry workshop, got locked outside the travelodge, walked around beautiful Cambridge town and by qarah, ran into Cheryl! So much to say! it was really one an eye-opening trip for me that helped me to break out of the 'me, i, myself' mentality where only i-matter. God is really so big and somehow i just know that as i commit this plan of wanting to study in the UK someday into His hands, i just know that he,ll bring it to pass. I just know it :) But anyway, i got to know miss k so much better and she's a really nice person i must admit. i'm really liking her now and i feel like she's a grandma to me. hahah, in some sense, my mama is still the best!
God has brought such good friends into my life i can't even begin to mention all of them. Even as i'm typing this, the school hymn and closing hymn is ringing in my head and i'm relishing it so much. These 2 years have been so enriching and i really thank God for bringing me to SA. He knows how much i would love it there and he didn't want me to miss out so he brought me here. I don't remember ever crying so much in a school because of results before, but at the same time, i don't remember ever laughing so much and so hard in my life before, until my stomach muscles were aching so bad. I just have to say, thank You, Lord. I really enjoyed these 2 years so much and i know that it was You behind the scenes planning it all for me. Now, it's the last lap: A levels. 26 more days to the A levels. Lord, walk me through like you always did, give me restful increase, give me the sharpness of mind that Daniel had, give me the courage and wisdom. Lord, i rely on You. As you have given me nothing less than the best, i believe that this time will be no exception. You love me, You want to bless me.
I can never express my thanks and all that i feel for SA these 2 years because it has been so condensed and fast-paced. At the graduation ceremony today, i watched the teacher's videos for us and i felt like "hey, i never had teachers like this before. I really love them." The teachers went out of their convenience and prepared the video for us and they went up on stage and sang for us too. The cohort also prepared a 30 sec video per class to thank the teachers too and to weave pieces of beautiful memories together one last time. As i watched it i felt that it's really amazing and divine that all of us from varying backgrounds and cultures can merge as one student body, be in the same cohort and all have our fair share of joy and laughter. Definitely not by some chance but God behind these beautiful happenings. I cried when the teachers were singing on stage because i never had teachers that was this passionate before. There are definitely these few teachers that i will always remember because they were not just teachers but educators in their own rights and taught me so many valuable character lessons. Mr Derrick Tan, Miss Noelle Soh, Miss K and Mr Derrick Ong. Of course the others were played a role in shaping me as well but these few are the ones that made the most profound impact in these 2 years.
Jesus, thank You :-)
one family unbroken, we join with one acclaim,
one heart, one voice uplifting, to glorify thy name
Lord dismiss us with thy blessings,...
may our seed time fast be yielding, year by year a richer store,
Thursday, May 20, 2010 @10:36 PM
FATIGUE..TIREDNESS
I'm doing my gp essay right now and i feel the fatigue that has been accumulated for some time. it's not the studying only, the cca, the expectations that i have laid for myself.. the frustration that i'm not on the task :(
it's tiring to play mind games, to be insecure. Jesus, i need to feel you afresh, i need to feel that palpable and tangible presence once more. i seriously cannot wait for camp. i know you are right here with me but why am i so unconscious of it?
but jesus, in my weakness, you are my strength! you have something amazing in stored for me, i know that. i know you hold my future. thankyou that a bruised reed you will not cast aside. thankyou that when i'm not fruitful, you lift me up even though i don't feel like i'm riding on the clouds, but i believe that you are carrying me when i'm most unaware. thankyou that you give me strength, extra grace and favor that only you can give :)
Jesus Jesus, amen :)
Friday, May 14, 2010 @11:47 PM
JESUS I NEED YOU SO MUCH MORE NOW..
insecurities weren't meant to be part of my life! favor and blessings are!
psalm 23
' favor and love will HUNT ME DOWN ALL the days of my life. and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.'
amen :)
bless me beyond my circumstances, more than i can even think or imagine. i want to fear and tremble at your goodness in my life. amen
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 @3:31 PM
i guess im just writing here because i have nothing better to do now. heh
but anw, i havent blogged since like forever? there's so much to say i definitely wont write everything here. israel was awesome, really. look at the pictures on facebook, they paint a thousand words!
i did not get the results i wanted, but praise God i didn't because now i enjoy sa so much. everything tht has happened has taught me to trust him so much more and how little and inadequate i can actually be, how helpless i actually am. i can't hve everything my way, i can't expect everything to fall in place the way i plan it but i know one thing's for sure, that HE can't fail me. as long as HE is with me, come what may, i have a bigger God behind me. whatever cca i join and subjects i take will be good because God says it is! as i got out of bed this morning i was asking myself this: if i believe only because i can rationalise something or i can see it and understanding how it can happen OR i believe because God SAYS SO. so many times i delude myself thinking that i can actually do it but i was so ashamed this morning because i know how ive been thinking. so now, repentence=changing my mind towards grace. amen :)
ps lian said that it doesnt matter what yr this is, whether the tiger or the chicken or whatever. the lion of Judah will have the final say in my life! amen to that. recently church has been so good,not that it never was but it feels all so different, a new level, a new intensity. the bible studies w dajie and coach, the feeding at main service, the feeding i get at arrow! it's overwhelming! we are destined to reign and we cant help it. we couldnt choose our life but jesus chose it, he chose the life that reigns, he chose the one that conquers and that is ours.
i am going to watch titanic now! haha like what the heck right.. but ehh my mum had a revelation about titanic and noah's ark. School tmr!Labels: you're all i need
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 @7:53 PM
hiii! im back finally! i have no idea why im blogging again since i've already decided that journalling would be a better choice. you can write just so freely about everything, unafraid that anyone would look at it and blow. isnt that what blogging is supposed to be about? too bad it's a public domain and it simply isnt wise to thrash everything out here. there's so much to talk about since the last i blogged but i figured that if i were to blog about everything, i'd not stop. hahahamaybe just a few significant events? hahawell, o's is definitely something i would remember. i remember crying after amath and history paper 2 and i rmb mummy talking to me. i rmbed holding on to jesus so tightly and hanging on to his promises. i rmb jeffrey telling me to photocopy an extra copy of the entry proof because we were going to tear it together, as a class! whoo. too bad i overslept :Si rmb prom. i saw God's goodness and lovingkindness all in one night. i was supposed to meet malvina, shu qing and lihuan but i was late. and i rmb that long afternoon when i was waiting for everyone to do their make-up, i was just staring at them because i really did not want to spend money on make-up. $25 just for a few hours? nahh, dont think so. hahaha. but that lady was soooo nice. she offered to do my eye for me, for FREE! whoo, favor of God la! i had so much fun talking to them, omg and we were like parade-ing at braddell. wtheck right?, but it seemed like a fairy tale. hahhaha. it was a good night for me, simply because i saw God work so evidently for me. i rmb telling jesus a week before prom that i wanted the levi's voucher and i got it, in a luck draw. could it be coincidence? i think not! it's just supernaturally natural :)and then it was the 'valley' period that i experienced. it wasnt nice at all. level outing was awesome really. dcns tammie prayed for me and it was just so... what other words to describe but awesome? hahah. yeah it was. i had such a good time talking to mel and coach. i really thank God for them :)malaysia. personally, i feel that it's not the best of all places to be in but it has reminded me of all the fun memories and this one and i enjoyed myself, i guess it's the company that matters? imagine yourself to be lying on the beach with the beautiful sunset or imagine yourself out on a chilly, winter evening. nice setting and ambience, everything; but all alone. kinda suck-y right? haha. anw, im saying all these only to emphasize how much i enjoyed the companionship. Genting was fun, all the late nights with the pps, the cool breeze and wet hair and shower caps and everything. I SURVIVED SPACESHOT!! whoo, achievement! :D amateur bowlers-turned-pros. haha, it'll always be in my mind. KL was ordinary but i especially love the grocery shopping and swimming pool. so much to say ! and the DIY dinner on sunday night. and the mass games, omg i really thank God for the memories because now they are mine to keep. EJ5! it's the best camp so far. i received so much and i felt a burden lifted, there's so much to talk about so i shall not attempt to put them into words. maybe i would la, in my journal. hahah. sorry blog! ;pi cant seem to rmb anything else for now, i feel excited for israel again! :) yeah, i declare healing over myself. this flu is irritating! amen
Saturday, September 26, 2009 @11:23 AM
praise God i got a1 for math! omg, i;ve never gotten a1 ever for math. only term 1 in sec 1. even at streaming, it was an a2. it was so good!
haha i was so happy yesterday, not only happy but elated. i got a2 for ss but i didnt too well for english. like i was so sad coz of my english results. i mean, yes the paper was difficult but that's no excuse to not do well right?
and i really expected alot higher. and my friends knew i was kinda upset about it.
but this song just popped up in my mind. esp the part 'i'll not be dismayed nor will i be afraid'.
i guess it's just jesus telling me to keep resting in him and trust him the God kinda results, the solid good results at THE exam. and ya la, i felt so assured after that. and i rmbed coach pat saying 'do you want your paper to be good or do you want it to be anointed?'
of course anointed la. good can only bring you this far, but an anointed paper is not only going to bring you that distance. it'll bring you further. it was really so assuring :)
though i walk through water and i walk through fire
i'll not be dismayed nor will i be afraid
you will deliver
you will provide
your arm is mighty to save
though i walk through moments of weakness and pain
your faithfulness rises as sure as the sun
you are my shepherd
you know me by name
you carry me in your arms
im not my own
i am bought with a price
hidden in you i know victory is mine
i will give thanks jesus
i'll guard my heart
as you fight my battles speak peace to the storm
hallelujah